That one time that I _________

Monday, February 22, 2016 1:30pm

That one time that I became so sad that I wanted to die.

That one time that the sadness became so deep that I wanted to die.

That one time that the thoughts became so repetitious that I couldn't stop them.

That one time that I really, really, really wanted to die.

That one time that I walked into a psychiatric hospital.

That one time that I signed myself in to the crisis unit.

That one time that I told them my plan.

That one time that I watched them lock the door.

That one time that I handed over my belongings.

That one time that I sat on a cot in a near empty room.

That one time that I sat in isolation.

That one time that I wept, bawled and sobbed in isolation.

That one time that I became sadder, more scared, and more depressed.

That one time that I counted the tiles on the floor (there were 108).

That one time that I watched The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants.

That one time that I buried my head in the blankets once the lights turned off.

That one time that my heart broke. And broke again. And again.

That one time that I cried all of my tears.

That one time that I cried alone for hours.

That one time that I never saw a therapist or doctor.

That one time that I was expected to sit in isolation for 23 hours.

That one time that I only made it to 8 hours.

That one time that I decided I would leave even though I felt worse.

That one time that I told them I just wanted to go home.

That one time that I lied and said I no longer wanted to die.

That one time that I, in fact, did want to die.

That one time that being there felt like I was slowly dying from sadness.

That one time.

Once.

Never again.