What I heard when I was growing up:
You are such a worry-wart.
Stop crying, you're going to make yourself sick.
Enough with the pity party.
Just stop.
If you would just get out there, you would feel better.
It's hormones.
Stop making a mountain out of a mole-hill.
Suck it up.
Stop being dramatic.
You're being a damn baby.
You're just lazy.
It's all in your head.
You do this to yourself, you know.
You're fine, quit it.
Get over it.
Enough already!
You're doing this for attention.
Are you doing this to fit in?
You're wasting your life.
What I hear from my 30-year-old brain every.single.day:
Stop being so dramatic.
Just stop.
You're making this all up for attention.
Get over it.
Stop acting like this.
What a waste of a life.
What a baby you are.
You're immature.
This is all for attention.
You're making this all up.
What a fucking baby.
Growing up, my actions and feelings were not validated. I was told over and over and over again that I was just being dramatic. Just knock it off. Get over it. My symptoms of anxiety were shamed. My symptoms of depression were belittled. I was shamed. I was belittled.
And now I do this to myself.
Anxiety.
Depression.
Bipolar.
Half of my therapy so far as been focused on accepting the fact that I DO in fact have a mental illness. I do, in fact, have valid feelings and emotions that are abnormal and it is not because I am being dramatic or being a baby. Half of my therapy is repeating that I need to continue to take my medication, that I need to continue to seek help, that I need to continue to accept that I have a mental illness.
I am not a baby. I am not being dramatic. I am not doing this for attention. This is not all in my head. I am not creating this mess for fun. I am not making this up. I have a mental illness. I am not a bad person. I am not immature. --This statement is hard to type, and impossible for me to say out loud. I hope one day, I can accept my diagnosis and stop blaming myself because for so long, I have been blamed for my behaviors and emotions.
I have a mental illness.
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ReplyDeleteYou have to say it out loud, over and over -- not just to drive home the message to yourself but to everyone who is around you. Because maybe one day, there will be someone just like you saying that stuff you heard growing up and a person who has heard you will look at them and say, "You know what? Mental illness is real. It's an illness and it requires help and support. And you are brave to move forward." And maybe, just maybe, that will spread until it's just an accepted part of society. You are one person with a powerful story and strong voice. You just might be able to lead that change.
Thank you. I am hoping to be able to say it outloud with confidence one day. I know that I am not alone in this because up until recently, kids with mental illness were just seen as what I described. My generation was not embracing to "whiners" and "weenies", school bullies were just a right of passage and so on. Hopefully this generation of kids has their voices heard and are taken seriously when this serious stuff comes up. Thank you for your support. :)
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